beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
