bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
