Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
