do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
