I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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