she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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