We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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