I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
