We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
