I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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