Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
