ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
