Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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