I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
