I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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