turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
