My brain says no but my pants say off.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
