FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
