Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
