God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You are the jesus of drinking
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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