I heard we made out
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My liver is preforming stress tests.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
