i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
