who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
