would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
