closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
