i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
