i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
