My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
