just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
