I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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