dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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