My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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