Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
