I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this beer tastes like vomit already
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
