how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
