When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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