So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
