Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
