What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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