His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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