I showed him my bush... on skype.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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