Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
