No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
