Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
