it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
