I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
