Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
