I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
