He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
