my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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