This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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