apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
