ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
