i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
