i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
