Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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