youre lurking in front of me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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