don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
