yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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